A Reflection on Week 3: Attachment

I found both the reading on attachment and the video series posted about childhood trauma this week to be very relatable. For lack of a better word, we are currently ‘trouble-shooting’ some behavior problems with our oldest child and attachment issues are playing a big role. We began fostering her when she was only 2 ½. Back then, I thought that was plenty early enough to prevent any bad memories or experiences from affecting her. Now, both through experience and this class, I know just how wrong I was.

 I have always heard how important it is for a baby to have a good bond with their mother (or another caregiver), but I didn’t realize how critical it is and that it can actually affect their brain, potentially permanently. I completely agree when our textbook ties attachment with Erickson’s theory of development, more specifically the first stage ‘Basic Trust vs. Mistrust’. An infant needs to be able to rely on someone. If they have a need and no one is able to meet it consistently, what is stopping this child from withdrawing and just giving up? As a baby, what else do they know? To them, there isn’t another option.

As a family, we have been working so hard to show our daughter that she is now in a loving environment and that she can count on us. It was relieving to hear in the videos that with a lot of nurturing, we may be able to reverse these effects. It is also relieving to me, and probably every other working parent, that high-quality child care does not have a negative effect on attachment.

Between the trauma videos and the information provided by the textbook, I am thinking more about every interaction I have with my children. Not that they don’t deserve a little discipline now and then, but I am now thinking about how to make every interaction meaningful. I am a little envious of those who practice “attachment parenting”. I don’t want to feel guilty for working or going to school to make a better life for my family, but attending to your children’s needs and making sure that they know they are loved and important really does something for them. I wish I were able to spend more time with them, so I will have to maximize the time I do get.

Reflection on Week 2: Our Brilliant Babes

            I really enjoyed the content in this weeks reading. Prenatal and infant development is so fascinating. I just find it amazing how so much happens in such a short amount of time, especially when you think about the same amount of time passing in an adult’s life. I particularly enjoyed reading the section in chapter 3 about perception. It is so easy to get caught up in the development of motor skills when you have a new baby because those are the milestones you look forward to. I don’t remember seeing a page in the baby book where I could document when I thought the girls began recognizing different colors. I think that it is incredible that doctors and researchers have created tests that they can use to identify and pin point the ages that infants actually become aware of things like depth perception or visual acuity. It’s interesting that they used patterns, such as the stripes, to determine how well an infant is able to see. It makes me wonder if they imaged the brain activity as well, to try and gauge if the infant had any understanding of their vision test.

 I would think that new, more detailed studies about the senses of infants are constantly being conducted in order to more accurately pin point these perceptual milestones. This would be an area of research that, if I had the time and funds, I would love to participate. I would also like to research any studies on thought processes in infants and toddlers. I am curious what research has been done in this area and what they know so far. These youngest members of our society have so much to contribute, the possibilities are endless.

As much as I loved reading about how rapidly babies are able to develop, my absolute favorite from this week was the video about the ‘breast crawl’. How remarkable is it that within one hour, a brand new baby is capable of making her way to the mothers nipple without assistance. Watching it, of course I knew what was going to happen, but you can’t help cheering her on. If I were to have another child, I would love to try this myself. When I had twins, it wasn’t really an option for us. They had their own medically necessary agenda. Since I really don’t plan on having any more children, I will just support and encourage the beautiful mamas-to-be in my life, if this is something they would like to do.  

A reflection on week 1: They wrote a textbook about us?

Ever since I started taking college courses again this past September, I keep thinking how grateful I am that I ‘saved’ the most interesting classes for the right time in my life. In reality, I thought I was done with school. I had no idea I would want to come back. As much planning as it takes to squeeze homework and studying in between preschool play dates and volunteering in my daughters kindergarten class, I feel like the experience I have gained in life since I first went to university is helping me relate to and really enjoy what I am learning this time around. As soon as I started reading the first chapter in the textbook, I felt like it was written for me. I suppose that is probably the point of ‘life-span’ psychology. It is something we are all going through all of the time. So, I’m sure I will have that feeling quite a bit this quarter.

The main place in my reading that really made me stop and think was the section on Erickson’s psychosocial theory. His proposal is that the life cycle is composed of eight stages in a biologically fixed order. Only when the challenges of each stage are met is a person prepared to meet the challenge of the next stage. This one tugged on my heart a bit. I think that it why I kept flipping back to it and even read the section to my husband.

Several years ago, my husband and I became the relative caregivers (aka foster parents) to our then 2 ½ year old niece. We finalized her adoption this past August and are so thankful that we are the only parents she ‘consciously’ remembers. That being said, we have had many challenges in the attachment and trust departments. It is so sad to me how much an infant can be affected when they do not get the loving bond with a parent that they need. When I read Erickson’s theory, it seemed to fit perfectly! The first stage is basic trust vs. mistrust. The challenge in this stage is to develop a sense that the world is a safe “good place”. Well, what happens when an infant isn’t able to accomplish this? I feel like I see the struggle daily. My smart, beautiful daughter tries her best to advance to the next stages. Stage 2: Autonomy vs. shame and doubt: We do our best to empower her to make choices and to find things that she enjoys but she constantly relies on our opinions and approval to make any decisions, even to tell us what she wants for her birthday. Stage 3: Initiative vs. guilt: For a girl who is so outgoing and friendly, it is next to impossible to get her to try something new because she “doesn’t know how”. Even with as much positive feedback as we can provide, something is lacking in what we perceive as a safe environment to try new things, even with a possibility of failure.

This theory makes sense to me because, just like in sequential courses in school, you can move on to the next stage (or course) and be able to understand bits and pieces, but for the most successful outcome, you should master them in order. Our daughter is trying so hard to advance through the stages, but since we as a family are still working on her first stage, the rest are becoming more difficult. I actually mentioned that I read this theory at a recent doctor visit. Our amazingly sweet pediatrician just smiled, knowing in reality how much more is actually going on. Reading through the chapter, I understand how the many theories work together to explain the big picture of development, but I was really happy when Leah’s podcast said to make note of this one and that we would see it throughout the course.