I found both the reading on
attachment and the video series posted about childhood trauma this week to be
very relatable. For lack of a better word, we are currently ‘trouble-shooting’
some behavior problems with our oldest child and attachment issues are playing a big role. We began fostering her when she
was only 2 ½. Back then, I thought that was plenty early enough to prevent any
bad memories or experiences from affecting her. Now, both through experience
and this class, I know just how wrong I was.
I have always heard how important it is for a
baby to have a good bond with their mother (or another caregiver), but I didn’t
realize how critical it is and that it can actually affect their brain,
potentially permanently. I completely agree when our textbook ties attachment
with Erickson’s theory of development, more specifically the first stage ‘Basic
Trust vs. Mistrust’. An infant needs to be able to rely on someone. If they
have a need and no one is able to meet it consistently, what is stopping this
child from withdrawing and just giving up? As a baby, what else do they know?
To them, there isn’t another option.
As a family, we have been working
so hard to show our daughter that she is now in a loving environment and that
she can count on us. It was relieving to hear in the videos that with a lot of
nurturing, we may be able to reverse these effects. It is also relieving to me,
and probably every other working parent, that high-quality child care does not
have a negative effect on attachment.
Between the trauma videos and the
information provided by the textbook, I am thinking more about every
interaction I have with my children. Not that they don’t deserve a little
discipline now and then, but I am now thinking about how to make every
interaction meaningful. I am a little envious of those who practice “attachment
parenting”. I don’t want to feel guilty for working or going to school to make
a better life for my family, but attending to your children’s needs and making
sure that they know they are loved and important really does something for
them. I wish I were able to spend more time with them, so I will have to maximize
the time I do get.
Hi Melenie,
ReplyDeleteIn the article "Babies Bonds and Brains", neuroscientist Robert Thatcher proposed that the brain is under lifelong renovation, and I agree with him. It's not only what happened during childhood that determines how someone's future is going to be. I agree, that we have full capacity to have our minds renewed and changed. As we grow up, information is retrieved in our memories and they start to make more sense. For example, when my mom started working, I understood why she needed to, but I couldn't accept in my heart. For a while, I struggled with that because I missed her, but few years later I was thankful she did it. She set examples of a strong, resilient yet loving mother. As a child I couldn't understand that completely, but as an adult I do. And I believe when I have my own kids I will do even better.
Wow, I am happy I got to read your blog. It relates perfectly to mine and has examples of my scenario. My brother has 2 foster/adopted children as well and within the last three years he may experienced some of the same struggles with them as you might be experiencing now as far as attachment. I also have read about the many issues that lack of early on attachment can have on a child but never heard of it effecting them socially. I thought that reading in our book was interesting. Although I have seen how this attachment issue has effected my nieces in other behavioral ways but I don't see it effecting them in how they act in social situations or in interacting with other children their age.
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