A Reflection on Week 10: The End

The final chapter in our book covers “the last life-cycle force we encounter”; death and bereavement. These are not easy topics for me to talk about. I feel like I have already encountered quite a bit in my life so far and I can relate quite a bit to the dual process model (DPM) of coping. It has been many many years since my own dad passed away and even though at most times I feel that I have “moved on” with my own life, certain events still can trigger the grief. Now, the grief is often short-lived and I can continue on but I do think the cycle still exists.

            I realize now that I was very naive in my understanding of what a hospice was before reading this chapter. I had never given it much thought really, but from the little reference I had, I assumed it was synonymous to a nursing home. Maybe what made it different was that the really oldest old went there but I had never thought about why. I have a lot of respect for hospice workers now that I am more informed. I think the services that they provide to both their patients and their patients’ support system (aka family and friends) is just amazing. What better ways to respect, honor, and support our elderly than by assisting them to comfortably live out their final days. I only wish this option was available to more people. I agree that pain management is vital to those suffering from terminal illnesses, but it seems that even for those who have their end in sight, some doctors are still reluctant to refer such a service. It seems to provide such relief to everyone involved to have guidance through such a difficult time in life. It seems that for those who meet the criteria, hospice is a way to achieve what they call in Ghana a “peaceful” or “good” death. I think that everyone deserves an opportunity to die in peace, with no unfinished business, in comfort and the in the presence of their loved ones and I am thankful that facilities such as hospice exist to promote this. 

A Reflection on Week 9: Ageism

The reading this week brought up several topics I am just not ready to think about with regard to my own life quite yet. I know that there is so much to look forward to late in life, especially now that people are able to live healthier and continue being active for so much longer. I would love to dream about the adventures retirement will bring but there is just so much going on in this phase in life that it’s hard to see much further in the future.

            I thought that the Ageism in America article was really interesting. We definitely have many stereotypes when it comes to the elderly and Dr. Robert Butler states that “daily we are witness to, or even unwitting participants in, cruel imagery, jokes, language, and attitudes directed at older people.” I don’t think the jokes and “over the hill” birthday cards are meant to be cruel but they certainly reflect a culture who is scared of aging. I think we use this type of ‘humor’ to try and make an uncomfortable topic more bearable. I am curious how attitudes will shift as more and more baby boomers increase in age. I think we will always strive for youthfulness but hopefully we will reach a point where that is less about Botox and more about playing and interacting with grandchildren.

            I am thankful that my girls still have a very active great grandma and great grandpa in their lives. Hopefully we can reduce some of the negative stereotypes for them and promote a healthier and positive attitude toward aging so that they are able to embrace the wisdom and changes that it brings.

A Refection on Week 8: Equality at Home

            When I was reading the section in chapter 12 about juggling multiple roles and the division of household chores, it made me think of an article I read recently in The Province. Our book talks about how even though more women are working outside the home and are spending less time on housework, the difference isn’t necessarily being made up with help from the husbands. Husbands tend to stick to their traditional chores and let their wives do the rest despite working similar hours.

            I know how lucky I have it. I work and go to school and I try really hard to do what I can at home but thankfully I have a great husband who definitely does more than his share of housework and childcare. He is also the one who sends me these articles to read and this particular article couldn’t be more a more perfect example about why more husbands and dads, especially of daughters, should help out, at least equally, with the household chores.

            A PhD candidate in psychology at the University of British Columbia led a study to show how a father’s approach to household chores was a predictor of their daughters’ professional ambitions. The study suggests that daughters will grow up with broader career goals and choose less traditional careers when they witness domestic equality in the home. It’s not enough for a father to preach gender equality to their children; it is most effective when it is practiced. The daughters will respond most to what they see, not what they are told.

http://www.journals.elsevierhealth.com/periodicals/jaac/article/S0890-8567%2809%2961760-3/abstract

It would be interesting to know what effect this has on sons in the family. Hopefully it would lead them to continue the trend when they start their own families and to be more supportive of female colleagues in the workplace. I think this is very promising news if we can all get our husbands to buy in. I’m sure I only got emailed this article so hubby would get a pat on the back (which he deserves) for being such a good influence for our daughters :) I also know a large proportion of my working mom friends who do EVERYTHING to keeps their homes running. I imagine it wouldn’t take too long before burning out. There are definitely some amazing women out there who are able to juggle everything, but who couldn’t use a little extra help from their spouse, especially if it could have such a lasting positive effect on their children.

A Reflection on Week 7: Sooo When do people become adults?

            I enjoyed reading about the period of emerging adulthood this week. I laughed a little when I got to the section So When Do People Become Adults? Mostly because I feel like I wonder that about myself all the time. When I was in high school, I imagined someone being 30 had it all together. They looked older and more mature (like my parents). They had a secure 9-5 job and there were no more tough life decisions to make.

Ha. Now I am that 30 year old and although I have accomplished pretty much every milestone (role transitions-wise) that should tell me I am an adult, I don’t feel how I expected to feel as an adult. I’m still not completely sure I know what being an adult is supposed to feel like. I went to college, got married, own a home, pay all my own bills, have my own children I am responsible for, I’ve worked a full time bank job. I know I am not alone in this because I hear it from friends all the time. We all feel like we are still 20 year old college kids who just happen to have all of these things ‘grown-ups’ are supposed to have now.

It makes me wonder if having a true rite of passage in our culture would help change this mindset. The Western Apache celebrate a girl’s first menstrual period with an elaborate ceremony to transform her into “Changing Woman” and to prepare her for the community’s adultlike expectations for her (Kail & Cavanaugh, 2010, 2007). That is pretty clear cut for a transition into adulthood. I feel like it probably really helps to have the community’s support in a transition like this and that they all know to begin treating this person as an adult. I feel like many young adults have their hands held far too long in the rest of the US. I know that times are tough economically and people are leaving college with large amounts of debt, but I work with college graduates who are having their cell phone bills and car insurance paid for by their parents still. I don’t think that this is doing them any favors in the long run. If anything, it is more like a high school student with a part time job experiencing misleading affluence (Kail & Cavanaugh, 2010, 2007).

I love reading about the cultural differences in each period of life. It’s great to be reminded that what I am going through is similar to others here in the US and some countries but is completely different than others. I think a form of egocentrism follows us throughout our lifetime while we are trying to figure everything out. We tend to become absorbed in what is going on directly around us. Learning about life experiences in various cultures can really put things in perspective.

A Reflection on Week 6: Early Puberty

The article “Teens Before Their Time” really stuck out for me this week. What I thought was most interesting was the idea that “sexualized messages bombarding kids from all sides” are contributing to the early physiological changes triggering puberty. These “messages” really can be seen everywhere. They are characters on TV shows, commercials, magazines, advertising, store displays, and walking through the halls of our local schools. When compared to salivating at the thought of delicious food, it makes sense that this constant exposure could possibly trigger the release of chemicals responsible for beginning puberty. If that is the case, then why doesn’t it affect all children? It is occurring more frequently now, however most girls still reach puberty at a more appropriate age. I think that this idea also ties into blaming violence on television and video games for causing aggression and violence in children. I can buy into all of this exposure, sexual or violent, contributing to physiological changes but it is definitely not the only factor for either situation.

   I honestly don’t know what I would think if any of my girls started physically developing at such an early age. It made me sad for these girls in the article to have to miss out on things like slumber parties. Childhood is so short already; I would hate to have to protect them from potentially embarrassing situations that would otherwise be part of a normal childhood. I also wouldn’t want them to deal with the emotional and psychological consequences of looking older than they are and how they would be treated by others, especially boys. I know I can’t control everything they are exposed to, but I hope that by keeping an eye on what my children are watching and keeping them busy with age appropriate activities, I can let them enjoy being kids for as long as possible.

A Reflection on Week 5: Child Maltreatment

            “Countries that do not condone physical punishment tend to have lower rates of child maltreatment than the United States” (US Department of State, 2002).

            My husband is someone who loves to read the crazy news stories online or on his phone. He is always telling me about something bizarre that usually happens in Florida. Sadly, he also tells me too many stories about “some guy” or “some mom who smothered their 6-month old because it wouldn’t stop crying” or worse. Unfortunately some of the stories are quite horrible and heartbreaking. I really can’t imagine someone being capable of harming a child. When I read the above quote in our text, it made me think about how much for we could be and should be doing in this country to prevent the tragedies of child abuse.

            Our book lists several factors that could lead to the abuse of a child. The first issue discussed is the cultural values and that child maltreatment is significantly less likely in a country that has “strong cultural prohibitions against physical punishment”. In Sweden, spanking is illegal and a child can report their parents to the police?! This is the same country, I believe, that the government provides care packages for all families with new babies, provides free or very low cost prenatal care and has one of the lowest infant mortality rates in the world. Poverty and social isolation are also discussed. These parents could be stressed and feel like they have no support. They might be uneducated and do not know a better way to handle a difficult situation with their child. They may be practicing the type of parenting that they grew up with as children. It is easy to revert to what you know, even if it is not the best option, in a stressful situation.

            By far, the most disturbing factor is reciprocal influence and that children may be unknowingly contributing to their own abuse. I really disliked the way this particular section was written. I understand what they are trying to say; that by having incompatible temperaments, being ill and causing extra stress on the parents or being unable to control their own whining or crying, they may unintentionally become targets of abuse. I would have preferred the focus be on the parents who lack the skills to respond to these situations. I think it could have been explained more simply that certain kids are more likely to be abused based on certain factors without it sounding so much like a “blame the victim” situation. 

            I am interested to know more about the accuracy of these statistics and also what they are currently. If it truly is the case that abuse is much less prevalent in countries that do not condone physical punishment, what kinds of parental support and trainings exist? I wonder if it is simply that it’s not an option, it is not in their own life experience or are these parents provided with additional ‘tools’ and knowledge that we are not required to receive in the US. I can only imagine the uproar that would be caused if the government stepped in to try and take away someone’s “right” to spank or choice discipline as they see fit. I know plenty of people who would testify that they were spanked as a child and they turned out alright but I think in this case we would need to look at the big picture and find out how we could positively affect the most children. We know abuse can lead to lasting psychological issues and physical damage. No one deserves to be mistreated, physically or verbally, and if anything could be done proactively to prevent it, I think it’s worth considering.

A Reflection on Week 4: Memory

This chapter talked a lot about cognitive development as children enter school and move on to concrete-operational thinking from preoperational thinking. It seems accurate that we do need to move through certain stages of development before advancing to the next stage. Many of the skills needed throughout school are built upon foundations set in the earlier stages. Children need to learn letters before they can recognize groups of letters as words. One must learn to count and understand what the numbers are referencing before moving on to arithmetic. This concept just seems natural to me so I had never given it much thought. What stood out when reading was the reasoning process children go through when presented with a new word to read or a problem to solve. I had never really considered how children are constantly converting all of this new information they are taking in to their long-term memory. Each time they are presented with a new situation, they are attempting to retrieve helpful information from their memory, such as a smaller word within a larger word or simpler addition as part of a bigger problem. I remember learning the neurological steps in converting memories to long-term in A&P; it’s a wonder our children’s brains don’t just shut down and force them to pass out at the end of the day. That thing is working overtime; it deserves a little R & R.

A friend of mine recently learned, with her preschooler, that memorization does not mean the child has a full understanding of a concept. The ABC’s are a perfect example. We all learn the ABC song at a very young age. We, as parents, are very proud when our children can recite it to us. She assumed that because her child could sing the ABCs that he knew them. She was really disappointed to find out that when shown a letter on its own, he couldn’t tell you what it was. He has the base knowledge of what the ABCs are, however, so providing each letter it own identity has been a smooth process.

I have seen some of the memory strategies mentioned in the book in action with my own children. Rehearsal is really a great one. I didn’t even realize it when our oldest daughter had memorized my husband’s phone number just from me saying in verbally in the car to call him. She mumbled it quickly when I first asked her to repeat it to me because she was trying to imitate the sounds I had made. As soon as I explained that they were numbers, she understood perfectly. We used the same strategy to teach her my phone number. It literally only took about 5 minutes of repeating it together in sections first, then the whole thing in rapid-fire, then quizzing her a few times randomly. She helps me with a small shopping list the same way. “At the store we need this, this, and this. What do we need at the store?” If we do that a few times on the way, she will tell me exactly what we need when we get there.  

I hope that memory is touched on more in later sections of the book. Maybe it can explain to me why my darling, loving husband, who can rattle off any sports statistic ever generated or tell me who played for which team and when, can’t remember what he was supposed to get at the grocery store. I have a feeling in this case it has little to do with memory and more to do with attention ;) However, I am curious if there are gender differences in memory capabilities and what I am doomed to deal with as we age. I am also curious what the research really says about all those ‘memory exercising’ games you can play, like the Luminosity App you can download on your phone. Do those things actually help? They just make me anxious.

A Reflection on Week 3: Attachment

I found both the reading on attachment and the video series posted about childhood trauma this week to be very relatable. For lack of a better word, we are currently ‘trouble-shooting’ some behavior problems with our oldest child and attachment issues are playing a big role. We began fostering her when she was only 2 ½. Back then, I thought that was plenty early enough to prevent any bad memories or experiences from affecting her. Now, both through experience and this class, I know just how wrong I was.

 I have always heard how important it is for a baby to have a good bond with their mother (or another caregiver), but I didn’t realize how critical it is and that it can actually affect their brain, potentially permanently. I completely agree when our textbook ties attachment with Erickson’s theory of development, more specifically the first stage ‘Basic Trust vs. Mistrust’. An infant needs to be able to rely on someone. If they have a need and no one is able to meet it consistently, what is stopping this child from withdrawing and just giving up? As a baby, what else do they know? To them, there isn’t another option.

As a family, we have been working so hard to show our daughter that she is now in a loving environment and that she can count on us. It was relieving to hear in the videos that with a lot of nurturing, we may be able to reverse these effects. It is also relieving to me, and probably every other working parent, that high-quality child care does not have a negative effect on attachment.

Between the trauma videos and the information provided by the textbook, I am thinking more about every interaction I have with my children. Not that they don’t deserve a little discipline now and then, but I am now thinking about how to make every interaction meaningful. I am a little envious of those who practice “attachment parenting”. I don’t want to feel guilty for working or going to school to make a better life for my family, but attending to your children’s needs and making sure that they know they are loved and important really does something for them. I wish I were able to spend more time with them, so I will have to maximize the time I do get.

Reflection on Week 2: Our Brilliant Babes

            I really enjoyed the content in this weeks reading. Prenatal and infant development is so fascinating. I just find it amazing how so much happens in such a short amount of time, especially when you think about the same amount of time passing in an adult’s life. I particularly enjoyed reading the section in chapter 3 about perception. It is so easy to get caught up in the development of motor skills when you have a new baby because those are the milestones you look forward to. I don’t remember seeing a page in the baby book where I could document when I thought the girls began recognizing different colors. I think that it is incredible that doctors and researchers have created tests that they can use to identify and pin point the ages that infants actually become aware of things like depth perception or visual acuity. It’s interesting that they used patterns, such as the stripes, to determine how well an infant is able to see. It makes me wonder if they imaged the brain activity as well, to try and gauge if the infant had any understanding of their vision test.

 I would think that new, more detailed studies about the senses of infants are constantly being conducted in order to more accurately pin point these perceptual milestones. This would be an area of research that, if I had the time and funds, I would love to participate. I would also like to research any studies on thought processes in infants and toddlers. I am curious what research has been done in this area and what they know so far. These youngest members of our society have so much to contribute, the possibilities are endless.

As much as I loved reading about how rapidly babies are able to develop, my absolute favorite from this week was the video about the ‘breast crawl’. How remarkable is it that within one hour, a brand new baby is capable of making her way to the mothers nipple without assistance. Watching it, of course I knew what was going to happen, but you can’t help cheering her on. If I were to have another child, I would love to try this myself. When I had twins, it wasn’t really an option for us. They had their own medically necessary agenda. Since I really don’t plan on having any more children, I will just support and encourage the beautiful mamas-to-be in my life, if this is something they would like to do.  

A reflection on week 1: They wrote a textbook about us?

Ever since I started taking college courses again this past September, I keep thinking how grateful I am that I ‘saved’ the most interesting classes for the right time in my life. In reality, I thought I was done with school. I had no idea I would want to come back. As much planning as it takes to squeeze homework and studying in between preschool play dates and volunteering in my daughters kindergarten class, I feel like the experience I have gained in life since I first went to university is helping me relate to and really enjoy what I am learning this time around. As soon as I started reading the first chapter in the textbook, I felt like it was written for me. I suppose that is probably the point of ‘life-span’ psychology. It is something we are all going through all of the time. So, I’m sure I will have that feeling quite a bit this quarter.

The main place in my reading that really made me stop and think was the section on Erickson’s psychosocial theory. His proposal is that the life cycle is composed of eight stages in a biologically fixed order. Only when the challenges of each stage are met is a person prepared to meet the challenge of the next stage. This one tugged on my heart a bit. I think that it why I kept flipping back to it and even read the section to my husband.

Several years ago, my husband and I became the relative caregivers (aka foster parents) to our then 2 ½ year old niece. We finalized her adoption this past August and are so thankful that we are the only parents she ‘consciously’ remembers. That being said, we have had many challenges in the attachment and trust departments. It is so sad to me how much an infant can be affected when they do not get the loving bond with a parent that they need. When I read Erickson’s theory, it seemed to fit perfectly! The first stage is basic trust vs. mistrust. The challenge in this stage is to develop a sense that the world is a safe “good place”. Well, what happens when an infant isn’t able to accomplish this? I feel like I see the struggle daily. My smart, beautiful daughter tries her best to advance to the next stages. Stage 2: Autonomy vs. shame and doubt: We do our best to empower her to make choices and to find things that she enjoys but she constantly relies on our opinions and approval to make any decisions, even to tell us what she wants for her birthday. Stage 3: Initiative vs. guilt: For a girl who is so outgoing and friendly, it is next to impossible to get her to try something new because she “doesn’t know how”. Even with as much positive feedback as we can provide, something is lacking in what we perceive as a safe environment to try new things, even with a possibility of failure.

This theory makes sense to me because, just like in sequential courses in school, you can move on to the next stage (or course) and be able to understand bits and pieces, but for the most successful outcome, you should master them in order. Our daughter is trying so hard to advance through the stages, but since we as a family are still working on her first stage, the rest are becoming more difficult. I actually mentioned that I read this theory at a recent doctor visit. Our amazingly sweet pediatrician just smiled, knowing in reality how much more is actually going on. Reading through the chapter, I understand how the many theories work together to explain the big picture of development, but I was really happy when Leah’s podcast said to make note of this one and that we would see it throughout the course.